Why People Have An Affair

SCENARIO

Many women either suspect or discover that their partner is having an affair. What a lot of women then ask themselves is “what am I doing wrong?”

Do people cheat because of their partners? Can what you say or do cause your partner to stray?

CONSIDER THIS

VICKI:
People have affairs because of their own thoughts and belief systems. While it’s easy to blame a partner it has nothing to do with them.

Sex means many things to many people. For some it’s a physical need and for others it can be about self-worth or manhood/womanhood, etc. There are so many reason why people cheat on their partners that they couldn’t all be covered here. What so many people don’t understand is that the reasons are generally mental and/or emotional needs that are not being met. Many of the unmet needs having nothing to do with sex at all.

If someone has unmet needs it’s their responsibility to discover what they do need, whether through counseling or inner reflection, and discuss it with their significant other. No adult is responsible for another adult’s emotional well-being.

With that being said I want to add in that anyone who has a partner who is withholding sex will most certainly stray. Especially men as their sperm can only build to such an amount then there is a physical need to expel it. We all need human touch and masturbation can only cut it for a certain amount of time.

JILL:
It should first be said that not all female partners do blame themselves. However, the ones that do may do so for two reasons.
Their self-blame may come from low self-esteem. We are inundated with all forms of media that tell us that to the thin and beautiful comes the perfect life complete with a perfect marriage. Reality shows feature men dropping to their knees to ask the newly transformed woman to marry him, the subtle message being that he would not have proposed to her as she looked before.

Secondly many women instantly want to fix a problem, to make it all better. They don’t take time to analyze what has transpired and more importantly to see where the other person is responsible for their actions. If that person was looking for a change in his life or if something triggered feelings of unhappiness he should have done the right thing and talk to his partner.

All this doesn’t mean that there should not be a time of quiet reflection for the woman. An honest evaluation of what has transpired will bring with it positive self-growth and recharged self-esteem.

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Gossip After Office Romance Gone Wrong

QUESTION

I work in a law office and made the mistake of sleeping with one of the junior partners. I quickly broke it off when one of the secretaries told me that I wasn’t his first office fling. Problem is one of the female junior partners is telling everyone that I slept with this guy and is giving the impression that we are still together. What should I do, I am only a paralegal, which kinda makes her my boss? Do I wait for it to blow over or do I confront her?

ANSWER

JILL:
You should talk to her but there is a right way of going about this. The office may not give you the privacy that you need. Invite (don’t confront) her for coffee, if she is reluctant ask her to meet at the office in a room where you can close the door.

Frame your words carefully and be clear in your mind as to the outcome that you desire from this meeting.
Make the words your own, but there are some guidelines

“I have made a mistake, but it is over. (Insert her name here) it has come to my attention that you have been talking about my actions. I would appreciate it if you would stop.”
Don’t be defensive or explain yourself.
Use her name it puts you on an equal footing
Don’t accuse her of gossiping it will make her defensive and you will find it hard to reach a conclusion from that view point
Bring it to a polite end. This is not high school you are both professional women, who want to get ahead and be respected.

If she argues or blusters, say again ‘It’s over what you are saying to people is untrue.” If you are concerned that she will continue to gossip tell her that you will go to the Human Resources Department. You will have the upper hand in that you have tried to quietly deal with the situation yourself.

VICKI:
Yes you should talk to this woman which is much different than confronting someone, especially in an office situation.

You must always be careful whom you tell personal things at work as office gossip abounds. From the secretary to the female junior partner – how many people did you talk to this about? If only one then you need to talk to that original one person as that is how it all got started. Or possibly the junior partner you slept with started the talking in that case talk to him about his indiscretion.

One more thing, you are not “only a paralegal”, you are a vital part of that office and should be treated with respect at all times. If you were not vital your position in the office would not exist. Every position in every company is needed. How long would your office be able to operate if no one cleaned it? Not long I promise. Everyone contributes and deserves to be respected.