Thinking About “Him” Too Much

QUESTION

Three weeks ago I met a great man. We’ve been seeing each other every weekend since we met. My problem is that I fantasize about him all the time. It’s at the point where I can’t get him out of my head and it’s affecting my work and personal life. I notice this is a pattern that happens with every new man I meet. How can I stop this?

ANSWER

JILL:
You need to look at what your actions are saying. “I had no value until this man came into my life. He is all that I need. My career, my friends, my family, even my self-care are of no importance now, my life is all about him.”
A man does not complete you, what a relationship does is enhance who we are and the time shared while special and loving is only a portion of what makes a complete life. .
I am not trying to be harsh but having a man in your life no matter how deep the feelings are, is something that becomes part of who we are it is not ALL that we are.
The pattern will be broken with the realization of how worthy you are in your oneness and that your life has value with or without that person.

VICKI:

Fantasies can be a way of getting your needs met and may be very healthy, as they are a clue to your emotional needs, however not in the amounts you are describing.

Sit down and take apart your fantasies as you would if you wanted to find the meaning of a dream. What you’re looking for is what need a particular fantasy is fulfilling. Once you realize what it is you really want it is time to work on getting that need met in your daily life. Some needs you may be able to ask your boyfriend for and others you may need to fulfill through other people or possibly on your own. Remember that no one person can give you everything you need.

Once you know what it is that you require please don’t hesitate to ask the appropriate people. In this life if you want something you must ask, ask, and ask. No one will read your mind. I assure you that as you bring into reality the things you daydream about that those daydreams will minimize to a healthy amount.