Real Love and Reality

SCENARIO

Do you feel loved by your partner? It’s a common issue for many couples. In the beginning of a relationship it was exciting and passionate, with time reality hits and love becomes secondary to daily demands. Does it have to be this way?

CONSIDER THIS

JILL:
While the excitement and passion may settle down with time, the loving of one another shouldn’t become secondary. If you have to put each other on your schedule – every month should include at least one date night and maybe a lunch date too.

One of the most exciting things in a new relationship is the spontaneity so try to revive that. An unexpected phone call in the day, a note slipped into their pocket. It is however the physical aspect; the touching that provides the warmth and glow for a couple. A hug, kiss or squeeze of a hand take a few seconds but the affect is long lasting for the recipient.

Don’t try to revive what has been but start today to sustain a loving relationship that will have you growing old together.

VICKI:
It most definitely doesn’t have to be that way. Love is a choice, which each and every day you and your partner can choose to do and say the things that make your partner feel loved. This is like re-committing to each other daily.

It’s not always an easy choice to make. It only works on one condition – that both of you have to know what makes you, individually, feel loved and be willing to discuss it with your partner.

There is a great book that discusses it called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It discusses the five main languages of love: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. In reading this you will learn your main love language and help identifying your partner’s. It’s not only a quick read it’s also really enjoyable.

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Romance With An Older Man

QUESTION

I am 20, but am completely in love with a man that is 40. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve not had much of a chance to talk to him about it. I can barely sleep, let alone eat. I work indirectly with him, and it makes things a bit more difficult. I don’t know how to handle the situation. I don’t want to seem like I have a schoolgirl crush because it’s not. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. What should I do without hurting myself in the process?

ANSWER

JILL:
Take a deep breath. What you shouldn’t do is ‘talk to him about it’. If you were to tell him everything that unfortunately would seem like a schoolgirl crush to a 40 year old man. I don’t say that to hurt your feelings but so that you will take the time to slow down and start to think things through.

Are you actually dating him? If you aren’t you need to see first if he wants to spend time together. He needs to get to know you better and vice versa.
What you expect from your feelings of love may not be what he wants at this point in his life. Before you put yourself out there and run the risk of getting hurt you need to see if there is the foundation for a relationship.

You should make sure that you take care of yourself, continue to see your own family and friends and be capable and energized at work. Pursue other activities and don’t make him the sole center of everything that you do. That way you show yourself to be a mature, interesting and well centered woman. Also, your life will become more balanced again.

VICKI:
You mention that you work indirectly with him and that makes me wonder just how much interaction you have had with him and how much you know about him. The most important question being is he married or in a relationship?

If he is married you can only get hurt in the process, as your ongoing needs will not be met the way they should be or the way you would like them to be met. You deserve someone who makes you feel special all the time not just some of the time.

If he is single that’s great. I want to remind you that before you declare yourself totally in love with this man consider that how he conducts himself at work may not be representative of who he is when he is at home. Should you get to know him better he may not be who you presently think he is.

With all that said, listen to Jill’s advice about not talking to him about your feelings and just ask him out for a coffee to sit and get to know him better. By doing this you should get an idea of whether he is interested in you or not, and you have the opportunity to see more of what he is really about.