Judging Is About Wanting To Be Right

QUESTION

I find myself in a place I truly dislike. I’ve been extremely judgmental of other people and their behaviors. I hate when I see this in others and I hate it more in myself. It just seems like so many people just do the wrong things. Do you have any suggestions for turning this around so I judge less?

ANSWER

JILL:
As a Life Coach, there is only one line of your question that I am going to touch on and that is that you are in the world thinking that you are right and ’many people are doing wrong things’.
How do you know that what they are doing is wrong? Are you basing this on the fact they don’t agree with you or share your beliefs?

Judging the world this way will leave you feeling quite alone. Peace will come to you when you accept those around you imperfections, flaws and all. Remember that you too are human. If you cannot work through this and become more accepting of others I would recommend that you speak to a counselor. They will be able to help you discover what the reason is for you being in the place that you are now.

Don’t worry too much, the fact that you are so concerned about your behavior says that you are a good and kind person, who has temporarily lost their way or perhaps something has occurred and you are not sure of what your place is in the world. If you have a trusted long time friend or spiritual advisor maybe they can help you find your path again.

VICKI:
It appears that your thinking is around there being a right way to do things and that’s just not true for many things. There are many ways to enjoy a hamburger, with cheese, relish, mustard, bacon or without these, none are right or wrong they are a matter of preference. When you start getting judgmental ask yourself if it is a hamburger type of situation. If it is allow yourself to sit back and enjoy seeing something done a new way. You may even learn something new.

Now there are other things that are a little more black and white, such as watching someone be verbally hurtful to another person. These instances are opportunities to see who you do not want to be. Your choice will always be between observing the situation (acknowledging the action for what it is) and judging (claiming the person or action as good or bad). Observations are how we learn and judgments are how we make ourselves better than others in our own mind.

Become aware of what judgments are and when you are judging. When you find yourself doing it ask yourself if you need to be right or better than the person you are judging. Understand that it is not about the other person, it is about how you feel about yourself in relation to other people. Notice that those you love most you’re more apt to make observations about and those you dislike or don’t know, therefore don’t care about, you’ll tend judge more.

In the end judgments always are about being right and being better. As Neale Donald Walsch wrote in the Conversation With God book series, “Ours is not a better way, ours is just another way”. When humanity sees this clearly we can start moving towards world peace. It’s time that we as individuals all start doing our part by adopting this way of thinking for ourselves.