Why People Have An Affair

SCENARIO

Many women either suspect or discover that their partner is having an affair. What a lot of women then ask themselves is “what am I doing wrong?”

Do people cheat because of their partners? Can what you say or do cause your partner to stray?

CONSIDER THIS

VICKI:
People have affairs because of their own thoughts and belief systems. While it’s easy to blame a partner it has nothing to do with them.

Sex means many things to many people. For some it’s a physical need and for others it can be about self-worth or manhood/womanhood, etc. There are so many reason why people cheat on their partners that they couldn’t all be covered here. What so many people don’t understand is that the reasons are generally mental and/or emotional needs that are not being met. Many of the unmet needs having nothing to do with sex at all.

If someone has unmet needs it’s their responsibility to discover what they do need, whether through counseling or inner reflection, and discuss it with their significant other. No adult is responsible for another adult’s emotional well-being.

With that being said I want to add in that anyone who has a partner who is withholding sex will most certainly stray. Especially men as their sperm can only build to such an amount then there is a physical need to expel it. We all need human touch and masturbation can only cut it for a certain amount of time.

JILL:
It should first be said that not all female partners do blame themselves. However, the ones that do may do so for two reasons.
Their self-blame may come from low self-esteem. We are inundated with all forms of media that tell us that to the thin and beautiful comes the perfect life complete with a perfect marriage. Reality shows feature men dropping to their knees to ask the newly transformed woman to marry him, the subtle message being that he would not have proposed to her as she looked before.

Secondly many women instantly want to fix a problem, to make it all better. They don’t take time to analyze what has transpired and more importantly to see where the other person is responsible for their actions. If that person was looking for a change in his life or if something triggered feelings of unhappiness he should have done the right thing and talk to his partner.

All this doesn’t mean that there should not be a time of quiet reflection for the woman. An honest evaluation of what has transpired will bring with it positive self-growth and recharged self-esteem.

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5 Responses

  1. Hi, I came across your blog as I was scrolling through wordpress. I am the wife of a man who had an internet affair for two years. I am not sure of the reason “why”, as it began during a time in our relationship that I thought things were pretty good between us. I did blame myself, and wondered what was wrong with me? Why was I not enough for him? What else could I have done to make him happy enough to NOT go looking else where? However the answers to these questions are not what will fix our relationship. My husband has to come to terms with his insecurities, and realize that IF he wants to be 80 years old, and sitting on the porch nest to me enjoying our grandchildren and great grandchildren {the type of things he says he wants to experience with me}, then he has to face and eradicate the demons he has within himself that stem from his childhood and and what he experienced prior to me. Not to say that I do not have issues which I must face, but that infidelity or fidelity is the responsibility of ones self. You do not stray or stay because of the actions of your spouse. These are decisions a person must make for themself.
    You can read how his infidelity has affected my life if you go to http://www.carlal.wordpress.com .
    Thanks for the article.
    Carlal.

  2. Carlal,
    Thank u for your response. My husband was caught @ a hotel with another mans wife ( by the womans husband). The O.M. got there just as they were going to the room so they never got the chance to cheat. Still I feel betrayed, humiliated and am downright angry. Its been over 9 mos. yet I am still having trouble coping. I also didnt know there were problems as my husband never said anything. As a matter of fact, our sex life was great…we were experimenting and being more active at the time. When I ask why, he said he was being “greedy” and that this was the 1st time he’d ever done something like that. He is repentant and wants our marriage 2 work, but I don’t know if I’ll ever trust him again. After over 20 years together, I never really imagined we’d be going thru this. But I know it was his choice and not my fault now.
    Thanks and God bless

  3. I have actually know people close to me who cheat on their wives by having sex with other women. To me, I think this is a perverted way of maintaining their relationship (with their legal spouses). These guys love their wives, but really what woman would want to hear from their man the simple truth that “honey, I’m horny and want to taste other women”. I mean, the wife’s doing most of the child-rearing and stays at home, how would she cope if her husband demanded more? She’d be like “uh, duh! I’m giving it my all raising children and you come to me asking me to fufilll your fantasy?” The guys know this, value their relationship highly, and choose to cheat (btw I’m talking about flings here and not fullblown affairs) w/o letting wifey know about it.

  4. What do you call a non sexual relationship between two people where one is married the other isn’t but the one married calls and has to talk to the other all day when away from home and gets upset if they can’t talk but they will not talk while at home with spouse.

  5. i have been married almost 25years i caught my wife kissed some stupid guy i saw a photo my wife took

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