My husband had an affair after 24 years of marriage. He claimed I wasn’t fulfilling his basic need of making him feel worthwhile, while this woman was telling him all the right things building him up. The affair lasted for about 6 months, during which time he repeatably told me he was done with her for me to find out otherwise. He always claimed it never turned sexual, until I caught him coming out of her bedroom. This was on a Monday and the previous weekend we had a great time away and had the best sex of our married life. We were scheduled for another marriage counseling session on Wednesday. After I found him out he said the relief was enormous. And wanted me to forgive him. After much crying and lamenting I said our 24 years of marriage was worth a try. We continue to seek counseling. My question is this. My husband said he only had sex about 10 times in all and it was only to keep her happy, that it was never fulfilling for him and was actually hard to accomplish at times (pardon the pun). Can this be true? I need a man’s perspective. He continued to have sex with me during the entire 6 month period and it was always fulfilling. It has been 2 months since I discovered the truth and things seem better, but I live with the fear that the lying and cheating will begin again. He is very good about accounting for his whereabouts, however he has a job that allows him a lot of freedom. We do work together so he must eventually account for his time. I monitor his cell calls (which he knows about). When can I let my guard down and go back to a normal stress free life?

It is extremely difficult to forgive a cheating spouse, I think it is important to identify the root cause of the reason for cheating. It will require some effort to get a man to admit why, but with patience and subtle diligence the problem can be identified, and forgiveness may be easier.